Public speaking skills are important, but most people devote far too little time and energy developing listening skills. Nature is clearly telling us that we should listen twice as much as we talk as we have two ears and one mouth. It is impossible to find out what someone else is thinking if you are doing all the talking. Listening is a key communication and empathy skill. Keys to becoming a more effective and empathic listener include:
Take the time to listen and be attentive – Often we are so preoccupied in our “busyness” that we only pretend to listen. Take time to really concentrate. Listen with both ears. When a team member comes into your office or stops you in the hall, stop what you are doing, make eye contact, and really listen. You will be surprised how much more effective the exchange will be and how much time is saved in the long run.
Be quiet – You can’t listen if your mouth is moving, so be quiet while the other person is speaking. Wait until they complete their thought or sentence before you begin to ask clarification questions or answer the question at hand. If you rearrange the letters that spell listen, you get silent. Remember that when someone else is talking with you.
Listen with an open mind – Selective listening limits your ability to learn, grow, and achieve. Listening with an open mind increases your ability to understand and respond effectively. Your openness will create such noticeable rapport that the other person will be inclined to listen to you with equal sensitivity.
Listen for emotion – People tend to repeat those things that are important to them. Listen not only to what they say, but how they say it. Voices express emotion through pitch, intonation, hesitation, and speed of delivery. By listening to what people say and how they say it, you will discover the feelings behind the words.
Listen for retention – How often have you wanted to tell a good joke or story that you had heard but you simply couldn’t remember it? On those occasions you probably wished you knew how to increase your memory retention. Well, there is a way. While you are listening, occasionally summarize in your mind the highlights that you’re hearing. This will increase your understanding and your retention. Verbalizing your summarized thoughts from time to time throughout the conversation will also confirm accuracy.
Pay close attention to non-verbal communication – 55% of communication comes from our body language, 38% is contained in our tone of voice or how we say, what we say and 7% of communication is actually the words. When verbal and non-verbal communication conflict (saying something different than what is physically portrayed) the non-verbal will always be heard over what is said verbally. If a team member comes to you for advice and you tell them you have time and are concerned but you continue to shuffle papers on your desk, sneak peaks at your computer screen, or make side notes, what does the person really hear? Do they hear that you are truly concerned, or that you really don’t have time to listen? Body language can be subtle or very obvious and you don’t have to be a genius to read it. Recognize how the body language of others makes you feel and you will instinctively know what it means. Good communication is critical to the success of any team.
Tammy A.S. Kohl is President of Resource Associates Corporation. For over 30 years, RAC has specialized in helping businesses achieve sustainable results through leadership development and executive coaching. For information on creating a leadership succession plan visit www.resourceassociatescorp.com or contact RAC directly at 800.799.6227.
